“When a child first catches adults out — when it first walks into his grave little head that adults do not always have divine intelligence, that their judgments are not always wise, their thinking true, their sentences just — his world falls into panic desolation. The gods are fallen and all safety gone. And there is one sure thing about the fall of gods: they do not fall a little; they crash and shatter or sink deeply into green muck. It is a tedious job to build them up again; they never quite shine. And the child’s world is never quite whole again. It is an aching kind of growing.”—John Steinbeck, East of Eden (via liquidnight)
Just added a bunch of some old/newer photographs that I’ve scanned and uploaded. Most at 35mm black and white film photographs I developed and printed myself. Check it out. I hope to be getting my own dark room set up and going soon because I have TONS of film I need to develop and print.
“My favorite outfit I’ve ever seen was on a six-year-old boy. One morning I was walking to get a coffee and I saw this little boy and he had on beige corduroy pants, little work boots, this cool knit cap and this perfect little red down vest but his shirt was a Spider-Man costume. And I thought, ‘Damn, that is the best.” Like today he felt like, ‘You know what? I’m going to be Spider-Man today.’ He’d obviously put himself together with the things he loved and couldn’t have been prouder or happier. He totally summed up how we all should feel when we leave our apartment in the morning”—Michael Bastian on his favorite outfit he’s ever seen (via minderkin)
“Ever see yourself doing something in the past and no matter how many times you remember it you still want to scream stop, somehow redirect the action, reorder the present? I feel that way now, watching myself tugged stupidly by inertia, my own inquisitiveness or whatever else, and it must have been something else, though what exactly I have no clue, maybe nothing, maybe nothing’s all - a pretty meaningless combination of words, “nothing’s all,” but one I like just the same.”—Johnny Truant, House of Leaves (via laurenperalta)
I’ve spent a lot of time today crying. It’s felt amazing. Mind you, I am not the “weepy type” and I’d say about 99 percent of my life I am incapable of crying. But today…I’ve been crying. It has been a lot more of a regular thing since about three weeks ago. Maybe it’s been a month…who knows.
There are stages to grief and dealing with loss of any type. They do not have to go in order and they can recycle through also. We all experience it.
1. Anger (The “I HATE YOU!” and the “IT’S YOUR FAULT!” and what have you…)
2. Depression (The staying in bed all day and/or feeling like you’re unable to go on.)
3. Bargaining (The “If only I had don this” or “If only things were different.”)
4. Acceptance (The feeling that it’s ok. You understand.)
5. Denial (The initial shock of it all. “Did this really happen?”)
I guess what I’m saying is the grieving period changes as you continue and there is no time limit on it. Just sit back and let all go. Feel what you’re feeling. And grief is not necessarily the result of death, there are many forms of loss. I am dealing with my own loss. My own demons. My own disappointments and lost dreams. It happens.
But I just try to remind myself and others…Us humans are resilient creatures. We endure so much and can overcome so much. This is not the end. This is not the last person you’ll ever love. This is not the last friend you’ll ever have. Remember them all and cherish the time you spent together.